Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
