it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
