my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
do nipples grow back?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
