I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
