I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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