I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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