apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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