im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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