textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
