my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
