I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
