U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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