My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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