Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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