he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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