Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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