everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
