So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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