omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
