I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
