hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
