people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize