I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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