What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
