haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
