why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
