Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
