This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
