We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
