At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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