Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
