im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
