just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
