and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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