Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
