home. puking in laundry basket.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
