So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize