Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My balls are so social today.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize