that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
