he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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