K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
