i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
