Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I die, sorry about rent.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
