Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
