Screwed.edu
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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