Me too!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
