lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My penis needs a shock collar
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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