I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
