Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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