atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
