Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
