chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
