I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
