I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
