Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
