it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
