I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We had to coat check the pizza.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
