You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
