How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
