You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
