I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
