he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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