I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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