i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
