I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize