well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
