do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
