Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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