dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
