Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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