Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
