Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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