I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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