I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
