I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
