At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
