last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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