it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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