Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
