He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
