she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
