My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
