i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize