she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
