at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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