she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
