I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
