i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
