Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
